Last week I was at BlogHer, and it was great — great to meet so many amazing bloggers in person, and great to feel like feminism and activism are alive and well.
The closing keynote was nominally about using your voice, your platform and your power for advocacy, but really was a much deeper conversation about the role of women in public life. As much as I liked what the panelists were saying — their commentary skirted a big elephant in the room of the women’s movement: that mothers (80% of women) are being left behind. When I asked about this, the women on the panel were most interested in absolving the women’s movement of blame. And it’s true; feminists have tried to advocate, but not practically. Corporate cultures don’t change because they recognize “the right thing to do,” and they won’t spend money on programs to support working mothers without seeing significant pay-off.
It irks me when we talk about the “sacrifices” or “trade-offs” that women make without contextualizing those choices with an understanding of the institutional discrimination mothers face. The women’s movement has been careful to validate every woman’s individual life decisions, especially to work in a formal setting, full-time, part-time or not at all. What the movement hasn’t said is that this “choice” is frequently made under duress.
Most stay at home mothers are not homemakers by choice; circumstance, lack of skills and under-education has forced their hand. Those who do have education and skills may still have their hand forced by institutional sexism that values a male or childless employee over an equally credentialed mother.
Part of this is mindset. Certainly we must win the hearts and minds of our supervisors and colleagues so that they no longer believe that mothers work less hard or are less ambitious. But institutional discrimination against mothers manifests in small and unnecessary ways that are much easier to address than hearts and minds. Fostering women’s advancement in the workplace need not require painful choices between work and family — they can coexist without either suffering. Consider the following three scenarios:
Scenario #1: A friend started a prestigious MBA program recently that had a week long “in-residence” period at a conference center. She was nursing her new baby during this time, and asked to be allowed to bring the child along with a 24-hour caregiver so that she could continue breastfeeding and participate fully in the planned social and academic activities. (As any nursing mother knows, pumping round the clock for six days takes a lot of time out of the day.) Allowing the baby would represent a relatively minor exception, while holding firm to their no-family policy would require my friend to make a life-altering decision between continuing to nurse her baby and pursuing an MBA. The program ultimately allowed the baby, but not without much discussion. Small change for the school, huge impact for the working mother.
Scenario #2: At BlogHer, I met Susan Niebur of Women in Planetary Science. She pointed out that one reason women are marginalized in the science community is that there isn’t childcare available at most conferences. Since many female scientists are married to other scientists, the two have to make a decision about which partner can attend a particular conference, and which stays home with the kids. Typically women stay back, and are therefore less able to present and may have their name omitted from important papers. The diminished public attention hurts their careers. I would love to see some of the money we commit to promoting women in STEM support childcare at conferences; it’s an easy fix, but no one recognizes it as a root of the problem. Small change for the scientific community, big impact for the working mother.
Scenario #3: TechyDad was liberated enough to attend BlogHer, and told a story at our Worklife session about a company he worked for that offered sick pay, but stipulated that it could only be used for the employee, not an employee’s child. So if an employee had to stay home, s/he was required to use a vacation day. This kind of policy — that would be easy to change and would have relatively little impact on a company’s bottom line — signals that primary caregivers have low value in the corporate infrastructure. It’s the kind of policy that makes women think they are powerless in their company environments and that they might as well just quit. It means something to women, but virtually nothing beyond principle to companies. Small change for the company, big impact for the working mother.
These are three of dozens of small changes that could meaningfully address institutional sexism, gender inequality and the pay gap. Because it appears that gender discrimination persists in the working world at least in part because mothers are not treated fairly. And I’m not waiting anymore for the women’s movement to recognize this. Feminist advocates are focusing on massive change, but it may be that relatively small and inexpensive modifications in how we do business would help to achieve our goals bigger, stronger and faster.
Related links:
- David Indiviglio has a bogus post on “Why Mothers Fall Behind” in The Atlantic. Indiviglio suggests that women take off more time to be caregivers and therefore are fairly denied advancement opportunities commensurate with their peers. This is an old and discredited canard. Maria Shriver’s report, A Woman’s Nation includes research indicating that only 10% of the pay gap can be explained by career choices including taking time off to be a caregiver.
- Nancy Folbre at The New York Times Economix blog writes about how the women’s movement has supported mothers. My beef is not whether they have supported, but how. Their solutions have been impractical.
- Fertile Feminism points out that it’s not feminism’s fault that mothers have fallen behind; it’s bad public policy and corporate culture. I agree, but the women’s movement hasn’t done enough to practically combat the problems.
- Momania asks “Do Kids Kill Women’s Careers?” Spoiler alert: yes.