I started writing this post last October — with an apology for being away for more than a month. Already I had heard from my online friends and community asking if I was okay. I never answered because I kept thinking I would finish this post and all would be explained. Little did I know that it would take nearly seven months to get my act together. Here goes.
Over the past year The Mama Bee has transformed to “MamaBA”, a student at Columbia Business School. Despite my concerns about women and part-time work, at first I thought that I would cut my hours to accommodate my academic schedule. But soon after being accepted to the program I was offered the opportunity to shift roles at my company – an offer that I didn’t want to turn down.
So with two young children, a full-time job, a breast pump, and an immensely supportive husband, I went back to school. I thought I could document the whole crazy experience through The Mama Bee, but it soon became clear that I could barely keep myself clean, fed and clothed each day, much less write cogently. So I gave up blogging for a month, saying that I would pick it back up when I was more in the swing of things. One month became two, and two became six – and before I knew it, half a year had passed without a single post.
Worse yet, I was starting to lose the courage of my convictions. Only 35% of business school students at Columbia are women (this number dropped to 25% for the class immediately following mine), and in my group of 128 students with an average age of 32, there is just one other mother. There are roughly 16 fathers, and counting – men have babies during the program, but women typically don’t. Part of my vision had been to prove that working mothers could tough out the program as well as their male counterparts, and compete at the highest levels with the rest of the class.
I set forth to document the injustices that lead to mothers being just 2% of the class, while fathers were close to 13%. (Adjusted for the overall male/female ratio, the difference is still alarming — .5% mothers, 8.1% fathers.) But what became clear to me is that, while Columbia doesn’t make it easy for mothers, women themselves hold back from applying to MBA programs because they feel the combination of work, school and family is too challenging. And the opportunity cost of doing one at a time is too high.
And it breaks my heart to say that they might be right. For the first time in my life, I’m watching some figs on my tree of choices wither as I pick others. It’s not that school isn’t an amazing experience — it truly is. I’ve met extraordinary people, made lasting friendships, and learned so much about a breadth of topics out of my comfort zone. I’ve never felt more prepared to take the next step in my career. And yet I’ve given up so much this year. With no leisure time, I haven’t really been happy. I’ve had to give up this blog, which kept me intellectually stimulated and driven. I’ve lost social networks that help ground some of my core values. My children have missed me in their lives.
With the bulk of the core curriculum finished now, I’m pausing to take a breath and see if I can’t re-enter the world of women, work and the politics of motherhood. The irony is that business school has given me the most enormous amount of material to write about. Did I mention that of ten classes taken to date, only one was taught by a woman? Here’s hoping I can pull it together to share the outrageous, egregious and moments of joy and laughter back here soon.
Mama Bee, I cannot tell you how happy I was to see this post in my inbox. So many things to discuss. I cannot wait to see how what you are learning shapes the next wave of your thinking and I look forward to vicariously learning along with you. There’s lots of things I’d love to do with my life yet. Business school with small children and a full time job is not one of them, though as you point out, many, many men do it and it generally turns out OK. Their wives get them and the family through it (trusting he won’t trade them in for round 2 in 20 years, or die of a stress induced coronary along the way?).
Cheering loudly for you and very, very excited to hear more. We have missed you and your marvelous voice dearly.
Welcome back! I’m excited to read what you have to say.
I can certainly understand how you’d feel like your choice to do an MBA is precluding other choices. I think that is unavoidable. And I’d say the fathers in your class are making choices, too- they may just not be as aware of the choices they are making! For that matter, the non-parents are making choices, too.
What is unfair is that when a woman makes a choice to be a mother, our society makes it so hard for her to also choose to do other things, as well.
Go Mama Bee! I’m cheering you on loudly from my corner… You are one of the few woman that I know who is capable enough to truly do everything. Thank you for reminding me that it can be done–and done well.
So nice to read your voice. I too am hoping you can “share the outrageous, egregious and moments of joy and laughter back here soon.”
Wow! And Welcome Back to bloggerland! I can’t wait to read about your experiences and insight.
Wow! You have been one busy lady! I have been contemplating going back to get my MBA but was thinking about doing that part time. I have a full time career in corporate America and two young daughters. I also just recently began serving on the Board of Directors for an organization. Oh, did I mention that my first endeavor as an author was just released in May? HA!!
I suppose my question to you would be this…at the end of the day, would you do it again? Is this one of those things where you sacrifice some freedom and your own happiness for the bigger picture or do you think it was a mistake? I only ask because I am genuinely interested in your opinion. I would like to weigh all my options before deciding to take on another challenge.
Thanks for this post! Your timing couldn’t have been any better.
Jennifer
Glad to see the blog is starting up again! Here’s the thing: this year may have been crazy, but it’s been 7-8 months. You will have that MBA, boosting your career, for the rest of your life. You will have more time for leisure at other points. As you noted, your husband has taken on a lot to support you this year, and possibly you will do the same for him at some other point. Couples do this for each other all the time. If he had a crazy 8 months because he was launching a business, would you question whether it was possible for men to be fathers and launch their career to the next level? Probably not. I think because women (and particularly mothers) are newer to all these things, we tend to view experiences in terms of some larger narrative. As opposed to being outlier times in life.
I find the juggling act hard as a career woman and mother, and I only have one! There was a several month period in my life when I was working (my job is 40+ hours a week plus travel), had a preschooler, AND took a night class to learn screenwriting. It was insane. I used to be one of those feminists that truly believed women should be able to have it all, but the truth is no one can’t. You can work and have a successful career and be a great mom, but you might not be the mom you want to be. You won’t have time for other leisure things, or for even keeping a house clean. It’s not easy and I’m learning there’s no right answer. Good for you for attempting what you’re doing, the full time job AND MBA with motherhood. Nearly unheard of. Don’t feel bad about not posting – you’re busy being a trailblazer. Look forward to hearing about your next move.
I just wanted to say, glad I am not alone! It is good to hear to triumphs of others in my shoes. Hope you get back to where you want to be… blogging.
Thank goodness you are back!!! WE HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR SIGNS OF YOU! You need to write it all – we want to read!! xox
So glad you’re back. I missed your thoughtful, and thought-provoking, writing.
Uhhh, I’m late to the party but still happy to see you’re back. I have taken some hiatuses from blogging myself — but the Internet is always here, whenever you have time to share.
congratulations on going back to school! I desperately want to get my MBA, but haven’t been able to pull the trigger because of the commitment. With two small kids and a demanding full-time job, I just don’t know how I’d make it work yet.
I check back her often just to see if you are back, so I was pleased to find today that you have posted. I love the insights you have about women in the workforce so I hope to hear more from you.
I’ve missed your posts and I’m glad to see you’re back plus one more child and a slew of tales to tell about business school. Congratulations on both fronts and I can hardly wait to hear your insights.