Do we still need the women’s movement? On Friday I had a personal experience that reminded me that sexism is alive and well, even in the most liberal of places — the New York metro area.
I was coming home with my infant son on the Long Island Railroad from a visit to friends. The baby was fussy, so I began to nurse. Soon after, the train conductor came around collecting tickets. When I handed mine over, he said me to “Cover up, miss.” I was shocked — my breastfeeding has never so much as elicited a dirty look — and so I asked if he was kidding. He said “No, COVER UP, miss.” I told him that it was my legal right in the State of New York (NYS Civil Rights Law § 79-E) to nurse in any public place.
The conductor became angrier and angrier, saying that what I was doing was “offensive to him and other passengers.” I reiterated my legal right, and he then told me to “call a cop” if I was so concerned. The interchange was disturbing; in the context of the LIRR the conductor is a power figure who should be aware of the law. But what happened next was even more troubling: our conversation had clearly left the conductor enraged and as he passed through the car he pushed my stroller, which was in the aisle (the only place it could be on the crowded train) into my seat, knocking me and the baby while we nursed.
I’ve been on the LIRR many times. I’ve seen women in tiny string bikini tops on their way to the beach, I’ve seen men walk into station newsstands to buy porn, I’ve seen people drinking beer and smoking cigarettes on both the platforms and the trains. None were approached by the conductor on my watch. Here’s where the pervasive sexism comes into play:
Bare (or almost bare) breasts are tolerated both in person and in print on the LIRR if the woman in question is revealing herself for the pleasure of others. But not if she is breastfeeding her five month old baby.
And maybe we think this isn’t that big a deal — just one crazy older white guy on a train. But if this was the reaction of a conductor on a train in one of the most liberal cities in the country, how are our sisters in more conservative areas faring? Forty-four states have the same law protecting the right to breastfeed in public as New York, but how many people in “power positions” are ignorant of this basic woman’s right?
An equally troubling epilogue to the story: when I told my husband and mother, each of them asked if my breasts had been showing; in other words, if I might have been breaking any indecent exposure laws. Wrong question. First of all, New York exempts nursing mothers from indecent exposure laws. But the point isn’t that I showed a little more nipple than was comfortable for this man — it’s that his anger at seeing my breast while I was nursing was crazy and irrational. Even if my rights had not been protected by New York’s penal code, the idea that there was something prurient about what I was doing is just insane. And their reactions indicated that even my liberal husband and mother were uncomfortable with seeing me nurse in public.
What is it about nursing that made this conductor and others so angry, when women wear equally revealing clothing on the LIRR all the time? For some reason breastfeeding signaled to him subversiveness, power, and female empowerment. And his discomfort with women and power and motherhood infringed on my right to feed my baby in the way recommended by the American Association of Pediatrics. On a micro level, that’s why we still need feminism.
Related links:
- It’s World Breastfeeding week from August 1st-7th: check out and support Ten Steps to Successful Breastfeeding proposed by the Mother and Child Health and Education Trust.
- Know your breastfeeding rights: the National Conference of State Legislatures has put together a comprehensive list of breastfeeding laws by state. And even if your state is not on the list, don’t forget that you are covered by the National Breastfeeding Promotion Act recently passed by congress.
- Empowering lactivists: Best for Babes, Blacktating, The Feminist Breeder, Spilt Milk, Motherhood Uncensored and Sustainable Mothering. Others you know? Add them in the comments section.
Its always interesting the ways the LIRR and its employees go about enforcing rules and laws. I have bought a beer on a platform from a RR employee only to have an MTA cop (also a RR employee) then give me an open container ticket.
I am so sorry for your experience. Too bad you didn’t get his name, he deserves to be reported!!
this just makes me so upset! i am breastfeeding my second child and she is 5 months old. I stopped with my first because I just didn’t feel comfortable doing it thanks to society. If this keeps up no wonder its hard to get women to do what is best for baby.
thanks for your hard look at all things! love the blog
Amazing, awful. I hope you are going to report this to the LIRR.
Most nursing mothers I’ve encountered are discreet, to say the least, so why “were you covered?!” is the first reaction to hearing about an experience like yours is beyond me. No doubt, you are formulating letters to the railroad authorities, etc.
What got me was that the very next Tweet that grabbed my attention after reading your blog was from @SloanNetwork about this being the start of World Breastfeeding Week. http://corporatevoices.wordpress.com/2010/08/01/celebrating-world-breastfeeding-week-august-1-7-2010/
Wow! My heart is beating so fast after reading your post. I feel so angry on your behalf. Last summer, I was nursing my daughter (then 9 months old) at a local lake and was asked to cover up by a lifeguard. I was shocked, angry, and dismayed (but I also realized that this young girl was embarrassed by something she didn’t understand). My daughter never liked to eat with a blanket over her head, it’s suffocating. How would the LIRR employee like to eat his meals under a dark blanket.
It is hard to believe this happens still, today. In Orlando, there have been two “nurse ins” within the last year because workers were not informed about the laws and asked nursing mothers to “cover up.” On the flip side, last year while at Disney, my husband asked a Disney employee where their nursing mothers room was so I could go to nurse our baby. The response, was, she can nurse “anywhere she likes.”
What a horrible experience. I always wonder if the people complaining in these situations would rather listen to a hungry baby cry.
I am lucky in that I have never had any trouble breastfeeding in public. I live in San Diego, though, and as you say… the average bikini top shows more breast than I do when I nurse.
I cover up… sometimes, when that works best for my baby. When the baby is very little and still learning how to latch on, I find a nursing cover makes me more patient. I have a very lightweight one. Once my baby got to be about 6 months old, though, she started pulling the cover off, so I’ve given up on it.
I go to a different room… sometimes, when that works best for my baby. My baby is 10 months old now, and will not settle in to nurse if there are distractions around!
And the rest of the time, I nurse wherever I want, however I want. I particularly do this now, now that I am more confident about nursing (this is my second baby) because I want the sight of a mom nursing her baby to become so normal that no one even looks twice!
It’s the nipple thing. Women wearing itty bitty bikini tops still have their nips covered. If the littlest bit shows, then people get freaked out.
Excellent post. That conductor’s behavior was frightening. Please keep this conversation going.
This enrages me! I hope that you report his behavior to the LIRR and I hope that they issue a sincere and public apology! Something like this should not go unpunished. People have to be educated and they only way to do that is to speak up for our rights when they are violated. I am so sorry that this happened to you! <>
Oh wow, that’s dreadful. I was never challenged like that whilst breastfeeding – I think even though I knew my rights and was prepared to assert them, I would have found it really distressing to have to do so. You are so right that this is a glaring example of sexism: even the fact that the conductor felt entitled to be so outright rude and aggressive towards you belies his poor attitude to women. I seriously doubt he would have spoken that way to a man whose loud iPod had garnered complaints, for example.
And thanks for the link.
My baby hates having a blanket over his head. Come to think of it, I probably wouldn’t like eating that way either.
It goes without saying that this is not okay!
I’m sorry you that happened to you.
This definitely calls for a nurse-in! We need to know which conductor it was so that the nurse-in can be scheduled during his shift. If you contact LIRR with the date and time you traveled, you should be able to find that out. Next, contact LaLeche League and make a post on mothering.com so you can alert as many nursing moms as possible to participate! I am only disappointed that my daughter is fully weaned, because I have been looking for a chance to do a nurse-in since we moved here last September. I think Long Island is extremely provincial for a place that is so close to NYC, and obviously there is much work to be done here to make this place more breastfeeding friendly.
I breastfed all three of my children–wherever and whenever I needed and wanted to. So I’m with you completely on that.
However, aren’t you perpetuating an attitude similar to sexism when you describe him as “older” and “white”? What do either of these things have to do with his behavior? I was really disappointed by this description and felt it negated so much of what you so eloquently wrote. Are you “younger” and “black”? And aren’t you annoyed that I just asked that question? And by the way, just because one clearly disturbed man (who happened to be older and white?) behaved this way does not mean we need a movement to remind ALL men.