Last week a friend who is a female senior healthcare executive in her early sixties told me the following story: one of her employees, a woman in her mid-twenties, came to her and said she wanted to pursue a master’s degrees in public health at a nearby university. To make the 4pm classes she would have to leave 2 hours early three days a week, and she asked if she could make the time up by coming in at 7am on those days.
My friend questioned whether this arrangement would work both for the employee and her colleagues, but she also wondered aloud when the younger woman could “do her homework,” given that she would be coming into work so early, and finishing her day after 6pm.
We argued over this point because I don’t think her comment about homework was appropriate. How the employee’s ability to carry out the tasks associated with her job is salient, but how she manages her schooling is not, unless the company is paying for the degree (it isn’t). My friend could have no idea whether this woman was or was not capable of doing homework between 7pm and 9pm and on the weekends, which seems reasonable to me.
The friend said that she felt that she had a right to make the comment as an advisor and mentor to the younger woman, and that since she is old enough to be this woman’s mother, she feels that this is an appropriate role. I think this is an example of ageism in the workplace, and yet another way that women can hurt each other in the office, albeit sometimes unintentionally. When older managers act maternal with younger employees, the results can be wonderful, lifelong mentoring, or they can be offensive and disempowering.
This “maternal management” is the polar opposite of the Queen Bee syndrome, but it’s no less damaging to an employee’s ego. I have some personal experience with this: when I first had my son, one of my supervisors, a senior woman at the company, questioned whether I could still travel on business. She made comments like “won’t you be sad to be away from the baby for so long?” and “are you sure you wouldn’t want someone else to do this trip?” I think these comments were mostly meant well, but they distressed me because they suggested that I wasn’t competent to make these choices for myself. For what it’s worth, I travel, and while I do miss my family, it’s a core part of my job that I wouldn’t give up.
The fact is that every woman has different responses and solutions to work/life issues; there is no reason to think that one woman’s solution — no matter how much experience she has — will work for others. The maternal manager imposes her personal values on an employee in ways that may or may not reflect the employee’s vision of their career.
While mentoring in the workplace around workplace issues is tremendously helpful to women at all levels, maternal management is not. Our bosses are not our mothers, and it’s inappropriate for them to play that role. Men don’t act like fathers to each other — they assume, by and large, that male employees can manage their own personal lives. Women in senior positions need to have faith that their employees can meet their many obligations at work, at home, and in fulfilling professional development until proven otherwise. And, of course, female employees need to live up to those high hopes by setting realistic goals for themselves and meeting those goals in ways that work not only for themselves, but also for their workplaces.
Readers, help us settle this argument — am I or my friend right about how she responded to her employee?
Related links:
- Suzy Welch writes about the five mistakes that women managers make, including being a “Good Mother.”
- Shari Storm responds to Welch on MomLogic.
- Ann Crittenden at Forbes.com suggests that management and parenting lessons are frequently the same.
- Management Issues reports on a study by Catalyst on women and stereotypes in the workplace.
I agree with you, if the employee didn’t think she could handle her workload and school/homework, she wouldn’t take them both on. And if it doesn’t work out, it is her personal responsibility to face the consequences, not your friend’s.
No one likes being treated like a child, especially by a collegue or boss. While your friend may have meant well, she may have come off as maternal or protective, instead of acting like a manager. This employee came to her with a question about accommodating school and work. Your friend’s role was to simply make a decision about the logistical question of attending college and keeping work hours.
I don’t appreciate others assuming how I care for my family, handle my finances, or do anything else outside of work. If I’m asking to do something, its because I want to do it.
I agree with you, but I have to admit that I have made similar mistakes as I have offered ideas about flexible work schedules to the women and men who have reported to me before their children were born. I’ve never discouraged anyone from pursuing professional goals like attaining a degree, and I never would assume that anyone. man or woman, needed my help to determine if they could fit in school work and work. But, I have outlined some work-life options for new parents that they might never have considered. I see now, thanks to your article, that doing the thinking for my staff members can be condescending and overbearing.
Check out my blog post to understand more about why I often err on the side of maternal in an effort to mentor: http://fssimon.wordpress.com/
The Ann Crittenden article is GREAT. Though I’d agree with your previous argument that moms in general do not necessarily make better managers, her article eloquently illustrates that highly effective parents probably do. Who knows which role they excelled at first, but people with good leadership skills can deploy them in a variety of settings successfully and good training in one role can definitely benefit other roles.
Human motivations are human motivations, no matter the age of the person, and understanding these will make for a more successful leader, whether you are leading a team at work, a classroom, or a household of children.
I agree with you. It is the managers job to review the business impact only —to see if they can accomodate the request. Other than this, the manager needs to stay in her own “story” and stop trying to edit the employees.
I agree with you 100%.
Ah! I love this post! It is so well written that it really holds up what a delicate issue this is.
A few points I would add.
As an experienced mom/manager opening up a dialogue with your staff about their work life balance may help you both come to a solution that works for everyone. Ignoring the reality that leaving a baby to travel, may result in a quietly agonizing employee who eventually leaves, doesn’t seem wise (even if men do it).
Perhaps its all in the approach?
Perhaps instead of saying, “Are you going to be able to do your homework after class?” a better conversation is, “When I got my masters degree, the things I found most challenging were homework on weekends, finding time to meet with study groups and eating dinner regularly. If you run into those things and want to bat around ideas, let me know. I’d be happy to share what I found worked and didn’t work!”
Great post. Let me know if you find the definitive answer to all this!